The Dream Hangover
When getting “what you want” isn't enough
Have you ever wanted something so badly it drove you crazy?
A new job.
A partner.
To earn $X amount of money.
To be a specific weight
A certain car/house/bag.
A feeling that just has to be out there.
You dream about it, work toward it, obsess over it. And then… you get it. You achieve the goal. And just like that, the joy fades faster than you imagined.
I’m living through a dream hangover right now. And wow, it’s been eye opening! I moved to the suburbs after years of living in tiny apartments. Now I have 3 toilets and an upstairs! Woohoo!
But my brain is sending me thoughts like:
What’s next?
This isn’t big enough
This isn’t a big deal at all
Is this good enough?
Now I need X,Y,Z
It’s maddening actually. Instead of simply enjoying our new home I’ve caught myself downplaying reaching the goal because “there’s still work to do”. Yuck.
Why does this happen?
The problem is we think once we reach the thing, it will create the state of being we are longing for. Insert joy, contentment, success, recognition, passion, or love.
But, it’s never really about getting/having the thing. Being in this “big house” isn’t going to give me inner peace, fulfillment, or safety. It’s not going to make me feel worthy of rest if I don’t already have access to that within me.
Same goes for the job title, the $35k raise, the car, and the new client—it’s not the object or goal itself that creates lasting joy and fulfillment. It’s the why, the journey, and the presence you live with every single day.
If you’re human, you’re not immune to this phenomenon. It’s been coined the “Arrival Fallacy” by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and even the world’s #1 golfer commented about it’s impact on his life and game.
“The arrival fallacy is the false assumption that reaching some achievement or goal will create durable feelings of satisfaction and contentment in our lives. We incorrectly assume that we will finally experience the sensation of having arrived when we reach whatever we have propped up as our destination.”
Luckily I’ve caught myself in time to slow down and smell the beautiful roses, hear the birds, and watch my kids play in our new yard!
If you’re chasing the “thing” to make you feel complete, you’re setting yourself up for a dream hangover. There will always be another goal to meet to “get there”. I see this with my clients all the time:
They land the new gig.
They negotiate the big raise.
They finally get noticed by the headhunter.
They get married
They have a family
They start their own business
They quit the toxic job
And then they’re wondering what’s next and why don’t I feel as good as I thought I would?!
So, what can you do?
Check your thoughts right now. Consider a recent win, accomplishment, or something you’re proud of and use this exercise I’ve been taking myself through to support you in owning your worth:
Celebrate! Honor your achievement by commemorating it in a special way, big or small. Stop and pause to acknowledge what you’ve created and own the fact that you did it. Show gratitude in order to feel abundance and joy now.
Reflect - How did you get here? What did you learn from the challenges? How have you grown? What are you letting go of?
Share - Don’t keep your win to yourself and downplay your accomplishment. Throw a party, share with a friend, or post on social! Find a safe place or person, like Swiftie did, to announce and acknowledge that you did the damn thing. In fact, go ahead and hit reply to this email and share your dream come true with me!
Now, don’t get me wrong, dreaming is essential and being goal oriented is effective! But, the truth is, the “arrival fallacy” hits hardest when we believe the thing we’re chasing will make us feel worthy, happy, or complete.
If any part of you feels unworthy, undeserving, or like you must work hard every second to keep what you’ve earned— there will always be the need for more. There will always be the hangover after the big dream comes true.
Because you’ll feel like you have to work hard again, or that you’re still not good enough. That enough isn’t enough.
This is why making space to do the work to own your worth is worth it. When you already own your worth, the wins feel sweeter. The joy lasts longer. And the “dream hangover” doesn’t have as much power over you—because your identity isn’t tied to the next goal.
That’s the work I do with my clients (and that I practice over and over again myself).
We untangle your worth from your achievements so you can enjoy what you’ve earned and keep creating more from a place of ease, not pressure.
If you’ve been chasing the next thing and wondering why it never feels like enough—or you want to make sure your next big win actually feels like a win—it’s time to own your worth.
Because you deserve to feel worthy now, not just when you “arrive.”