Taking the Reins
What a 1,200-Pound Animal Taught Me About Harnessing Fear
They say horses are healing, calming, and capable of attuning to your heart from four feet away. On the heels of “the fire horse year” and equine therapy growing in popularity, I decided to try it out. It’s one healing modality I’d never checked out! And, it just so happened there’s a stable down the street from me in my new town.
I arrived on a rainy morning and saw about 15 horses grazing in the fields. Peaceful, strong, calm. However, my fear and anxiety started for me the second I signed the barn’s waiver—the one that literally said that death was a potential side effect.
When I was about eleven years old, my dad took me to a stable for horse riding. I can’t even remember if I actually rode a pony that day or not, but I vividly remember the intense fear and discomfort I felt around them. They seemed big and beautiful, but I felt out of control in this new situation.
Fast forward 30 years later, and I found myself face-to-face with a full-sized horse named Regatta.
The nerves and anxiety were pulsing as I approached her. I didn’t know how she’d move, where I should pet her, or if she might suddenly kick and shoot me across the barn, breaking my ribs.
But as I continued to make eye contact with her and watch my teacher, I began to relax and become curious. I realized that I needed to build trust with the horse by brushing, feeding, and cleaning her. By spending time making eye contact, learning how to care for her, and putting on her saddle and bridle, I became willing to touch her with more confidence because I finally knew the best “way in”. Doing this groundwork definitely helped the horse feel more comfortable with me, but more importantly, it helped me feel more comfortable with me.
Then came the moment of truth: walking her to the barn and getting on.
Getting on that horse was scary and exciting! I had the giddy laughs and inside I was watching all of the anxiety moving between my belly and heart. My thoughts were fear based, like: What if I can’t do this? What if I fall off? What if she starts running?.
Slow and steady, I got the hang of my posture while she walked. My teacher coached me on how to lead, turn, and nudge her. She told me, “Show her you’re in control,” and my confidence built by the second. I felt intense sparks of anxiety completely mixed with the thrilling realization of, “Wow, I’m doing it”! I am leading the horse!
Before I knew it, I was circling the barn with a massive perma-smile on my face—summoned from deep within me by pure, uncontrolled joy, pride, and the deep presence of learning as I went. I had to use my breath, check my posture, and notice how my own actions impacted the horse’s movement and behavior.
Here is the “truth serum” I was reminded of that day in the saddle: confidence is built through courageous action.
I hadn’t been faced with that level of “life and death” fear in a long time. Allowing myself to experience something new as a beginner allowed me to access my presence, confidence, and capability because I was willing to feel the fear and get on the horse anyway. I didn’t ignore the fear. Instead I steadied myself inside and out by using my breath, choosing my actions, and redirecting my thoughts. As I did this, the horse followed my lead.
Fear, often brought on my change and uncertainty can put us into shock. But, it offers us the ultimate opportunity to know ourselves deeper, if we are willing. If you’re feeling lack of clarity, out of control, and overwhelmed, there’s an opportunity for you to harness your fear by allowing it to wash over you and get curious about what’s underneath. How can you steady yourself to lead forward?
When we are forced into change, it’s usually incredibly painful because we are actively resisting it. Once I stopped resisting the fear and focused on what I could actually control with the reins, I was able to steady my insides. I shifted my attention to being in control and guiding my ride, the lovely Regatta, exactly where I wanted to lead her.
This is EXACTLY the same power we have to co-create our own lives!.
Yes, sometimes the horse still wanted to turn left or stopped when I didn’t ask her to. Life does the exact same thing to us. When that happens, we have two choices: give in and let the horse do her thing, or take stock, decide where we are going next, and signal her to move ahead.
By facing my fears, changing up my routine, and doing something new, I rediscovered a lost part of myself. The courageous woman who loves to learn, loves to attempt new things, and loves to face her fears. The risk-taker. The one who bets on herself. The one who values experiences over things.
Riding a horse requires you to have conviction, be concise in your movements, and manage your own energy. They are a beautiful mirror of what you’re feeling, reminding you of your own power, sovereignty, and impact (and neuroses) .
How often do we feel anxiety and try to numb it? On a horse, there is no alcohol, food, scrolling, or numbing vice available. Forced presence is the ultimate mindfulness hack. There you are—with an animal that could kill you—forced to face your demons and shadows head-on. There is nothing else left to do but meet your power as you go on the ride of your life.
Our outside world continues to be chaotic. The energy around you might be telling you to go fast, move left, or move right. But I need you to remember something: You are the one in charge.
We are the tamers. We are the alchemizers. We are literally holding the reins of our lives and we can harness this energy in ways that truly align for us. Underneath the chaos of the world (the horse), and underneath the fear and doubt being stirred up within you, your soul is alive and well.
It will bring you dreams beyond your wildest imagination if you choose to go along for the ride with joy, presence, and a smile.
We can integrate and work with our fear instead of running from it. We can use it to our advantage by saying, “I hear you, you’re scared, but I am going to breathe and remind you that RIGHT NOW we’re safe,” so that we can choose to act with intention.
We all need that mirror, that encouragement, and that grounded stake in the ground that allows us to see, know, and feel our own worthiness. Our power. Our conviction. And maybe, just maybe, we’re living through these times to come home to ourselves, our inner knowing, and trust in all that we are.
If you are ready to take the reins and steady your insides, I want to help you.
To support you in navigating big changes and choosing to be the leader of your own life, I am offering a FREE “Fear Less” Meditation as a thank you for subscribing to this new little corner of Substack.
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